When I was diagnosed, I was happy with my own research and kept away from forums on the advice of a fellow patient who said they can be negative. Just before my second major operation in 2011, I decided to take the plunge and registered with an online web forum (not a Facebook one). Looking back to that period, I wasn’t really a major player, more of a ‘lurker’. I found it quite ‘cliquey’ and I should have listened to the initial advice of that fellow patient! So I left it.
In 2014, I joined several large Facebook closed groups which function as forums. After 4 years, I felt more experienced and knowledgeable and I wanted to learn more about the disease to help with my blog activity.
I really was not prepared for what I found in these groups. It seemed many people were in a much worse condition than me (I now know this to be incorrect) and I was shocked by some of the things I read (and saw) and I considered leaving pretty sharpish – quite frankly, the content of these forums was stressing me out!
Remember, forums don’t represent the whole NET Patient population
It suddenly became obvious to me that the actual ratios found on forum sites do not equate on the outside, i.e. even on the bigger forums of 2000+ this is not a good representation of the NET patient community when you consider there must be well over 500,000 patients worldwide. For example, on forums, it often appears that everyone has some form of ‘syndrome‘ when in actual fact the ratios are much much lower. If you agree with the logic above, this forum ratio of patients is a particularly relevant point for new forum members who, upon joining, will suddenly find that every symptom in existence seems to be continuously (and repeatedly) associated with the disease, causing further distress. If you think about it, on a forum, more people are likely to say “yes I have that problem” than “no I don’t have that problem” in response to any question. Regardless of how bizarre or outlandish the question is, someone will nearly always respond saying they also have that issue ……. cue epidemic. This can unfortunately make it seem more prevalent than it actually is. Perhaps more patients should say “no, not me” to prevent these frequent perceptions and misunderstandings.
Diagnosing the Undiagnosed
There are also many ‘undiagnosed’ people on forums searching for clues for their long-standing illnesses. This isn’t surprising as Neuroendocrine Cancers are notoriously misdiagnosed as routine ailments, in some cases for years. I guess the ‘power of the internet’ leads these people to forums. These cases tend to come and go and you can almost sense the frustration of those who believe they have NETs but are not yet medically diagnosed with any illness. I really feel for someone with any illness that cannot be pinned down. I feel helpless that I’m unable to wave a magic wand. However, I can’t help feeling that some might be convincing themselves they have Neuroendocrine Cancer by what they read, or perhaps have even been nudged (further) into this belief by their well-meaning audiences who, like me, are simply trying to help? Only my opinion.
Be prepared for toilet conversations
A much discussed topic and sometimes not for the very squeamish. I’ve seen some unusual pictures on forums but the worst by far was one of someone’s faeces. I struggled to understand why anyone would post that – moreover, I was amazed the site administrators allowed it. No thank you!
Be prepared for God conversations
There is a lot of spiritual and religious content on certain forum sites. I’m not a religious person but I totally respect that many people are. However, on some forums, there is a very heavy religious and spiritual message presence and this may not be everyone’s cup of tea.
Be prepared for strange behaviours
One of the most hideous aspects of forums is the appearance of ‘on-line bullying’ or arguments which happen now and then. Be prepared to see disagreements and many ‘one to ones’ or ‘one to manys’. However, definition is important here. Cliques of core users can appear overpowering particularly when someone disagrees with one of the ‘clique’. All this is going to do is to drive people away and make people more reluctant to ask or answer a question for fear of upsetting someone or being ridiculed. If you want a very wide-ranging set of opinions on very basic NET information – join a forum! Nothing is a myth, everything is possible. The vast majority of forums I’ve been on, have little or no moderation and inadequate or untimely policing. A well-administered site will deal with it quickly and have round the clock moderation given the international nature of many forums. Administrators need to stamp on this sort of behaviour when it happens and not 36 hours after the event. I recently left one UK online web forum after very politely suggesting a different opinion to the ‘reigning clique’ which resulted in a coordinated and personal tirade against me (i.e. online bullying). The posts were removed (indicating the administrators agreed with my complaint). Amazingly some of the ‘reigning clique’ followed me to another forum and continued their personal attacks (again posts were removed when I complained). My advice is not to join an unmoderated forum and if you see this type of issue and sense they are not being resolved quickly, you should consider leaving that forum to prevent unnecessary stress. In another but different example of bullying, I was blocked from one US site without notice or reason and to this day I have never found out why, despite trying very hard (…..although I suspect ‘politics’).
Be prepared for masses of ‘tat’
Another area which puts me off most NET forums is the masses of ‘memes’, pictures, quotes, miracle ‘snake oil’ cures/medical myths and stuff you see plastered all over the internet – these things are the ‘junk mail/spam’ equivalent on Facebook and some can also be a security problem. I’m very surprised the administrators allow so many of them as they clog up the timeline making it easy to miss an important post and they can present security risks for those who click on them. I get enough of this on my personal Facebook – no thanks!
Be prepared for masses of black and white striped animals
I don’t do zebras, I’d rather talk about people and the things that actually matter. I therefore find myself strongly objecting to being described as a ‘Zebra’ and part of a ‘herd’. As soon as I sense a ‘zebra infested’ site, I’m off straight away. The NET community sometimes appears so infatuated by this aged, out of date, and miselading analogy, that it denies the correct level of support to those who are asking for help. For example, side by side, a post (say) where someone is asking about side effects of a treatment or how to improve quality of life, or someone just asking for help, is likely to get much less views/likes/comments than a picture of a Zebra …… that is not right.
The strange thing is that in contextual terms, the zebra represents the disease, so when someone says “I am a zebra”, this is in effect saying “I am a disease” or when they say “Dear Zebras” they are saying “Dear Diseases” or my pet hate “Dear Fellow Diseases”. The problem is that the NET community has become “too cute” with the term and it now lacks any ‘kerb appeal’ to the outside world (who should be the key recipients of awareness messages). It’s really holding back NET Cancer external awareness and is a PR disaster area. Even NET specialists are denouncing this infatuation by saying “‘we’re beyond that now”.
I have my own strategy for spreading awareness which seems to be well received and more understandable to EXTERNAL audiences and many NET patients. Moreover, my awareness strategy covers a much bigger spectrum than offered by the narrow and blinkered diagnostic messages inferred by this aged, totally useless and often misquoted equine analogy. I say Let’s stop dehumanising NET patients.
And, by the way, NET Cancer is not as rare as we keep being told.
Don’t let forums be your life
I’ve recently cut down my membership of groups, not only because they were not a good fit for me but because forums were taking over my life! I found a lot of the content was making me depressed, mostly due to all the issues outlined above. So, I’ve left most groups, remaining in those which fit my requirements. I advise you to do similar if you value your sanity.
Are forums ‘frighteningly good’?
There can be a lot of positive outputs from many forums and to be truthful, I have learned a lot and made some online friends too. I’m sure the forums are very useful for some people who are able to prioritise and filter to take what they want from the sites. Some people also use them as a lifeline due to a lack of support in their local area. In that respect, they are frighteningly good.
Are forums good at ‘frightening’?
Yes, they can be good at frightening for those already in an anxious or delicate state or who want to discuss issues in a slow, deliberate and non-confrontational manner without being inundated with tat, myths, abuse, etc as per above. I like to help people but for the first couple of months after joining, I found myself feeling totally helpless with the sheer number and range of problems. Unfortunately, well-meaning people give totally different and dangerously conflicting answers, even to simple questions. I find this very frustrating even though I learned to prioritise and filter – I just felt bad that the questioner was getting no answer (50 different answers is no answer) or the fundamentally wrong answer. It also infuriates me to see a pathetic response to a cry for help right next to 100 likes for someone’s zebra coloured fingernails.
I now receive dozens of messages/emails every week but I find myself increasingly hesitant to recommend people I don’t know too much about to certain forums. Don’t get me wrong, I think some forum sites do a great job but they can be pretty frightening places for the unwary (and on occasion…. the wary!).
Thanks for reading